I am indisposed Presents: Notes from the Pussy Pallace, featuring Tongaroo

Here’s a new feature. A friend of mine has some pretty coherent musings occasionally. So I thought I’d bring them to you when they warrant it. He’s a medical professional and has lots of on-call time to devote to being clever. :

The classic names are my favorites, but no one ever names their kids the good ones anymore. Now, you hear a lot of Jenna's, and...get this...Auroras (the one we just delivered)...basically, porn-star names...all in the name of the pornification of America. When did being a pimp become so cool? Why are "beeyatch" and "nigga" such common forms of endearment? Dubs, on an SUV? Excuse me? It won't be long before hepatitis, syphilis, and herpes will be status symbols. "Dude, check out the cold sore on that beeyatch! She's hot!" "Nigga, please!"

And if I have to put an epidural through another chick's tramp stamp (------ excluded, of course!), I'm gonna laugh myself insane. Sometimes they make for good reading material while I'm working, though... When some idiot chick is complaining of the epidural hurting, I usually make some comment about it probably hurting less than that large tattoo of Winnie the Pooh or some Special Cosmic Unicorn with Stars and Rainbows just over their ass...but then again, the difference is that they're sober for their epidurals...usually.

On the other hand, I am noticing a lot of mountain-boy, pseudo frontiersman-type names, too, like "Hunter", or "Scout". Then there's the whole Mormon set of names, like "Caleb" or "Shiloh" or "Hurley". WTF? "Hi, my name is Mountain Man; meet my son, Bark Boy and daughter Births-a-Lot." I say, good ol' Christian names are the best; classics like "Matthew", or "Sara", or even "Ruth". The classics never die!

Anyway...where was I? Oh yeah, you got me on a silly name rant. Anyway, I'd probably drop my jaw in disbelief if someone named their kid "David" or "Mike". If they did, they'd probably sneak a "Jebediah" or "Hebekeneezer" in as their middle name, just to reprazent, Mormon stylie!