soothing my ass

Keillor's voice has spawned a thousand metaphors, and here's mine [ Melinda Sue Gordon]: It soaks and coats the room like merlot swishing around a glass. It's soothing and warm and slightly intoxicating.

Here’s mine: It soaks and coats you colon like Pepto Bismol swishing in your ass. It’s soothing to the point of maudlin-ation just enough baritone to make you want to take a shit, but right when you get that full colon/sphincter relaxation you need to expel the useless gunk coating your bowel you irritation from the inanity of the voice’s delivery and content grows to the point that everything stops, your gut doesn’t tense per-se, but flexes enough to move your stool back where it was, and probably will stay until that blathering bore-monkey shuts the hell up and finally dies.

-M