Unclean Equipment

This just in from Sphincterboy:

"Figure out a way to drop the phrase "snakes on a plane."This will indicate to anyone within earshot that you are cool, hip, and wired."

Could he mean THIS movie starring Samuel L Jackson? That website links a blog even more obscure and unintelligible than this one. So we’ll find out when I see him Saturday down in Bishop.

On another note he also sent me a link to the wikipedia article on douche. That was strange. However it brings up the point, at least in my mind, that the derogatory Douchebag had run it’s course, jumped the shark, and become so trendy (beardy, if you will) that I can’t with good conscious keep using it. Here is it’s replacement: unclean.

The article refers to the chance of vaginal infection caused by, "unclean douching equipment." Now vaginal infections are nothing to sniff at, unless you’re my dog and then you can lick at it, but why use the word unclean? Do they mean douching equipment that you bought at Suzie’s Adult Superstore? Equipment you found in your grandmother’s closet? Or douching equipment that has not been sanctioned, baptized, tested, or manhandled by the church? I just don’t know, but it’s funny. Below are some examples of proper unclean usage.

• Dude, that’s unclean.


• That dude’s unclean (or un-friggin-clean if warranted)


• Yeah, he’s being a real piece of equipment.

That’s all I can think of for now let me know if you've got something better

-M

Personalize The Phallus

It has come to my attention that maintaining a blog is just one in a long list of things that can potentially make a person a dork. That got me thinking about the word Dork. It sounds like a word that Dr. Seuss made up in one of his psychedelic children’s books, like Geek and Nerd.

While Nerd does come from the Seuss Story, If I Ran the Zoo, Geek dates way the hell back to Shakespeare. Dork is actually homophone of another word used to compare an unpleasant person to a phallus. There is some debate over whether a dork is the dick of a whale, so that if someone is being a ‘tard he’s a Dick, but if he crosses some line and acts like a 300 pound salty sea-pole he is a Dork.

The point is that you can call someone a dick by calling them a dork and they’ll be ok with it because they don’t know, and sometimes people are even proud of being a dork. I saw this fool at In-N-Out today wearing a T-Shirt that said, "I’m With Stupid.," The arrow pointed down…
-M

Making a pact

The other day Barrett and I made a pact, even though we had previously made a pact never to make a pact on account of pacts being so gay. Or at least little-girly. We could have done a blood oath, but we weren’t too sure how that would work either.

The pact was this: In ten years, no matter where we are we grow our hair long with a full beard and then cut a mullet and shave the away beard above the jaw line. Sort of a quaker-anthropology-professor style mixed with Billy Ray Cyrus. There were no qualifications--like, if we loose our jobs, wives, houses, etc--or outs of any kind. So it looks like it’s going to happen.

Maybe pacts aren’t so bad. I’m going to have to take a long look at that, because ten years isn't a long time. I’ve already started growing my hair out.

-M

"It's like a security blanket on my face"

I'm stupid

This is harder than it looks. Sure you can edit the template, IN HTML!!! I was hoping for something simpler. Here's a picture: [IMG]http://wonderstreet.smugmug.com/photos/42263638-S.jpg[/IMG]

-M

yeah, that didn't work.

Ho Lee Crap

I just created this blog. Which makes it sound like I hewed it out of stone. Which isn't how it went down at all. It consisted mostly of me sitting on the couch watching My Name Is Earl, and typing random phrases into the computer and having them come back as unavailable user names. It almost made me cry. But I'll get over it.

-M